Sep 26, 2012

REVIEW: SINISTER


Within the first ten seconds of Sinister, I knew I was seeing something fresh, new, exciting, and creepy. And within that first ten seconds, I knew I would love it.

When Sinister was announced as far back as May of 2011, I began keeping an eye on any developments almost immediately because of the director attached to the project: Scott Derrickson. While he’s not a household name, at that point he had already given us the extremely undervalued The Exorcism of Emily Rose and the unfairly maligned Hellraiser: Inferno (my personal favorite entry in the Hellraiser franchise, even though it was never meant to be a Pinhead movie, anyway). I don’t really blame him for the completely inept remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still, being that it was a Fox Studio movie, and as many know, they are a studio that can’t keep their grubby mitts off their larger, tent pole films.

Developments on Sinister began rolling in, using the terms “found footage” and “true crime.” Being that I’m a found footage nut ball, this sounded only but good to me. Then Ethan Hawke was announced for the project, and I was completely confused.

“Why are they casting such a big name celebrity for a found footage movie?,” etc.

Now that I’ve seen the film, and know how the found footage is incorporated, it all makes perfect sense.


Ethan Hawke plays true-crime writer Ellison Oswald, who rose to prominence and fame with his book Kentucky Murder, written ten years prior to the events of Sinister. His prominence and exposure came when his book made known the fact that law enforcement had dropped the ball in a number of places while investigating during whatever murderous crimes that took place (they’re kept purposely vague), and Ellison’s book brought to light a lot of information that had been left behind. This is all well and good, and resulted in a bestselling book and a tidy little sum of money for the author and his family. However, there’s a blemish on Ellison’s career called Cold Denver Morning, another true-crime tome that unfortunately got some things wrong and allowed a murderer to walk free of his crimes.

Ellison moves his family, unbeknownst to them, into a Pennsylvania house where the previous family had been hung from a tree in the back yard. He hopes to investigate the unsolved murders and write the book of his career –  one that will erase all his past indiscretions and award him with all the fame and fortune he claims not to desire.

After discovering a box of super 8 films marked “home movies” up in the attic, Ellison begins going through them one by one, and what he sees before him are mere moments of idealized familial happiness and togetherness before the films jump cut and see those very same families being killed in some gruesome or intricate way. They aren’t just shot or stabbed – they’re tied to lounge chairs and pulled one by one into a swimming pool, or they're bound and gagged and pushed into a car filled with full cans of gasoline, only to burn alive. What’s important to note is this murderous footage features not only the family who had previously lived in Ellison’s new house, but other families from other houses from all across the country – and all involving one member of the family, a child, going missing soon after. The footage is genuinely unnerving, made all the more so by the very unorthodox musical choices of such avant garde/ambient musical groups like Accurst and Ulver, while Christopher Young, goddamn legend that he is, scores the more traditionally shot portions of the film.

Though Ellison tries as best as he can to isolate his family from his creepy discoveries, his son's previously conquered night terrors begin happening again with much more intensity, and his daughter begins to draw on her bedroom wall images featured in his ghastly filmstrips.

As Ellison investigates each murder, he begins to slowly realize that he’s not just dealing with terrible murders, but something much more than that…something beyond that boundary he never thought he would cross…something supernatural.

Something named Bughuul.


Blumhouse Productions, who produced Sinister, is quickly becoming a best friend to the horror community, having produced the Paranormal Activity trilogy (make that quadrilogy), Insidious, and the television series "The River." Blumhouse et al. and director Derrickson (along with first-time writer C. Robert Cargill, who knocked this out of the park for his first time out) work well together, and all seem to be on the very same page in terms of realizing this project and bringing it to the forefront. Sinister plays out very much like a kindred spirit to Insidious, with a heavy focus on quiet horror mixed with legitimately creepy imagery, non-melodic music, even down to a monstrous face appearing in every filmstrip Ellison watches.  It contains the perfect balance of quiet terror, disturbing images, and comic relief (which we end up relying on to take a breather from the mounting terror that befalls Ellison every night when the antiquated projector in his locked-up office kicks on by itself…)

What works in Sinister’s favor is that it’s a very simple and very contained story. There are only six people featured prominently in the movie (alive, anyway) and the action hardly ever leaves the Oswald family’s new home. And as for the story being simple, that’s not a slight against the film. Some of our best horror films – Halloween, Psycho – had simple stories, and because Sinister's filmmakers didn’t feel bogged down with having to provide exposition, this allowed them to create sequences to unnerve the audience.

It goes without saying that Sinister is Derrickon's best effort as a director. Watching the film gives you a feeling he's achieved a new way of approaching his material, and it's one that also feels the most unrestrained. It feels as if he was given nearly carte blanche to make this film the way he intended without a studio looking over his shoulder.

Sinister also features a strong supporting cast, featuring Juliet Rylance as Ellison’s wife, Vincent D’Onofrio as a local university professor (featured only in a Skype video chat), James Ransome as Deputy So-and-So (see the movie and you’ll understand), and even Fred Thompson as the town’s grizzled sheriff.

Horror needs more movies like Sinister. It needs high-concept and original ideas that are only out to scare audiences in the purest ways – with images, mood, music, and good story telling. I can only hope that Sinister sees success at the box office when it opens in a wider release on October 12th – not so it can be sequalized, but so once again, like Insidious and the PA films before it, studios can see that low-budgeted original horror fare can and will be successful, so long as you give it a chance.

Sep 25, 2012

YOU EVER BEEN TO MINNEAPOLIS?

So, I'm tendin' bar there at Ecklund and Swedlin's last Tuesday, and this little guy's drinkin' and he says, "So where can a guy find some action? I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake." And I says, "What kinda action?" and he says, "Woman action, what do I look like?" And I says, "Well, what do I look like, I don't arrange that kinda thing," and he says, "But I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake," and I says, "Well, this ain't that kinda place." So he angrily says, "Oh I get it, so you think I'm some kinda crazy jerk for askin'," only he doesn't use the word "jerk." And then he calls me a jerk, and says that the last guy who thought he was a jerk is dead now. So I don't say nothin' and he says, "What do ya think about that?" So I says, "Well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him, then." And he says, "Yah, that guy's dead, and I don't mean of old age." And then he says, "Geez, I'm goin' crazy out there at the lake."

If we don't, remember me. 

Sep 23, 2012

REVIEW: VILE


vile - (adj)
  1. wretchedly bad; highly offensive, unpleasant, or objectionable.
  2. repulsive or disgusting, as to the senses or feelings.
  3. morally debased, depraved, or despicable.
derivative - (adj)
  1. derived.
  2. not original; secondary.
  3. making a film about a group of strangers abducted by a madman who are then locked away and forced to perform torturous acts against each other and themselves in an effort to find salvation.
incompetent - (adj)
  1. lacking qualification or ability; incapable.
  2. characterized by or showing incompetence.
  3. the feature film Vile.
Someone send director Taylor Sheridan a memo. After eight Saws, three Hostels, and a host of bottom-dwelling imitators, the torture porn subgenre is dead. No, wait - it's not just dead. It's had its fingernails ripped out, its eyes sliced in half, and, I dunno...maybe its ears thrown in a really hot stew. It is dead. Dead, gone, finished, good riddance. God damn.

Bu yet here we are with Vile, which exists for some reason. Why that is I couldn't say. It's certainly not for our entertainment. It sure as shit wasn't for mine.

We’ve been here before, folks. And I was hoping we would never be here again. But let’s just get this out of the way and save us all the misery that Vile did not save me.

A group of young twenty-somethings are out in nature laying around on blankets, contemplating life, and not holding down jobs, apparently. We get to know very little about them other than, boy, they’re all in love with life!

On their evening-descending drive back to civilization, a cougar-esque woman asks for a ride from a gas station back to her stalled car. The kids oblige, and the woman then hilariously (though it’s not supposed to be) straps on a gas mask and sprays the car with knock out gas. The kids awake in some kind of inescapable old house, meet a bunch of other strangers, and then an unfortunately-faced woman on a TV screen explains that the kidnapped folks all have some kind of hose thinger plugged into the back of their neck that will collect the special brain juices secreted by the body when it undergoes severe physical torture. You know, OW GOO. And so the kids must now agree to torture each other for as long as it takes until enough of this OW GOO is supplied.

That is literally it. The entire movie is these characters torturing each other.

Oh, and the guy who looks too much like Shaun White is in on it.

Did I just ruin that twist for you? Fucking thank me. I watched this nonsense for free and I still felt like a crime had been committed against me.

The film is directed by Taylor Sheridan, probably most famous for having played Deputy Hale in the first three seasons of "Sons of Anarchy." I like to think that, upon the announcement of his departure from that very high-rated FX show, a member of the press asked Sheridan, “What will you do next?”

And Sheridan smiled his very toothy grin and said, “I want to make a HUGE piece of shit.”

He should be commended for his uncompromising desire to fill his entire cast of characters with actors who did not deliver a single line convincingly. I’m almost in awe that he was able to locate a completely talentless group of people to bark and growl at each other, and with such wildly stereotype-busting character traits!

Oh, you mean the hot girl is the bitchy one? The dumb blonde surfer is the dumb one? The main guy super duper loves his girlfriend and is a good man?

Fuck you.

Vile is not worth dissecting because it does not present any themes that dozens of other movies like it have not already presented. And on top of that, they are presented so poorly and are lost in such a collection of bullshit gory set pieces that any such themes eventually become irrelevant.

If Saw did not exist, Vile would not exist. And Saw is not even a good movie. But I would promise my first-born daughter to Saw’s first-born son in an arranged marriage if my only other option was sitting through Vile again.

Vile is vile. It sucks. It blows. I really, really hate it. It’s not even worthy of my Shitty Flicks banner, because I got nothing from the film. Not a single thing. Except my time stolen.

If you liked Vile, you are a dumb human being.

Sep 20, 2012

ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE TRAINING

Zombie Apocalypse Training: HALO Corp. To Train Military, Law Enforcement On Virus Outbreak
The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is ready for a zombie apocalypse. Gun owners got prepared for a zombie apocalypse. Now, the military and law enforcement are getting ready.

And next month, they'll begin training.

Security firm HALO Corp. announced yesterday that about 1,000 military personnel, police officials, medical experts and federal workers will learn the ins and outs of a zombie apocalypse, as part of an annual counter-terrorism summit, according to the Military Times.

Sure, the lesson is tongue-in-cheek -- and only a small part of the summit's more serious course load -- but a zombie-like virus outbreak is a good training scenario. Visitors will learn to deal with a worldwide pandemic, where people become crazy, violent and fearful. Zombies will roam the summit grounds in San Diego, Calif. harassing troops and first-aid teams that will be participating.

Further details are unclear, but the Military Times made sure to note that zombies are not real.

The training comes at a time when the term "zombie apocalypse" is so viral that several branches of government have released statements on the matter. Earlier this month, the Department of Homeland Security reported that "the zombies are coming" as part of a hilarious bid to get citizens to prepare for a real disaster.

The CDC has released similar statements using zombies as a playful guise to get the public prepared for actual disasters. To assure that no one's confused by these announcements, CDC told The Huffington Post that zombies are not real.

Yeh...YET.