REVIEW: THE STRANGE ADVENTURES OF EDGAR SWITCHBLADE #1: KRAMPUS UNMERCIFUL

My pal Lonesome Wyatt is one prolific fellow. The front man for Those Poor Bastards and The Holy Spooks never seems to slow down. And that's good for all of us. Following the release of his recent Halloween album (more on that here), Lonesome Wyatt is now presenting us with another adventure for his creation Edgar Switchblade, who appeared for the first time (in a "literary" sense) in the novel The Terrible Tale of Edgar Switchblade).

And now, just in time for the forthcoming holidays, comes Edgar's first audio-only adventure: Krampus Unmerciful.

Edgar Switchblade and Old Red are back for a revolting holiday horror blood bath of doom. Join them in their first audio adventure as they meet the legendary yuletide monster, Krampus. Hear them torture and punish the wicked ones on a dark and stinking Christmas Eve.

Krampus is an under-explored mythological being, so it's always welcome to see him pop up in the most unexpected of places. According to Wiki:

Krampus is a beast-like creature from the folklore of Alpine countries thought to punish children during the Yule season who had misbehaved, in contrast with Saint Nicholas, who rewards well-behaved ones with gifts. Krampus is said to capture particularly naughty children in his sack and carry them away to his lair.  Krampus is represented as a beast-like creature, generally demonic in appearance. ... There are many names for Krampus, as well as many regional variations in portrayal and celebration.

Krampus Unmerciful is just about as enjoyably fucked up as you can get, and in typical Edgar Switchblade style, nothing is left to the imagination. The story starts off with the titular character and his faithful horse, Red, enjoying a holiday dinner of dead children and boiled blood, before Edgar gives Red a gift: a bout of severed tongues excised from the mouths of the blasphemous. During this, Krampus comes to them and basically asks if they would do him a solid and help him slay the wicked that night. Edgar and Red oblige, because, of course they do, and off they go! Through the eyes of Edgar Switchblade, perfectly normal homes decked out with Christmas decor and effigies to Santa come across as satanic and offensive. Baby Jesuses are vomited on and little boys are decapitated. And that's just the first house!

Krampus Unmerciful is flat-out mean-spirited, but in the best possible way. It's the attack on traditional Christmas we all kind of wish would happen. (I know I do.) Not since Richard Lynch fired rocket launchers at Christmas trees in Invasion U.S.A. has an assault against December 25th been so over the top, ridiculous, and strangely satisfying. Running at a brisk fifteen minutes, Edgar Switchblade's latest adventure is brief, but packs a lot of gruesome grue into its running time. The violence wrought upon everyone Krampus, Edgar, and Red come across is unyielding but always absurdly entertaining in the way that Lonesome Wyatt has perfected. It's not a bleak little tale, however; the tone is consistently light, despite the gooey subject matter.

Impressively, the limited-run special edition vinyl of this adventure (available in red and green) is now sold out, and the thing doesn't even officially street until December 3rd. Luckily, digital downloads are infinite, so on that day you can head over to Tribulation Recording and grab your own. Also stop by Lonesome Wyatt on Facebook to share in the exuberance amongst his thousands of fans.

Lonesome Wyatt is slowly worming his way into my holiday traditions. Ghost Ballads has kept me company while I waited all year for that magical day of tricks and treats, and only last month was I also given Halloween is Here. Not satisfied with dominating October, it looks like Lonesome Wyatt has given me something wicked and wild to enjoy every Christmas season as well.

REVIEW: THE TERRIBLE TALE OF EDGAR SWITCHBLADE

If you catch up on my earlier post here, you’ll gain a little background on the idiosyncrasy of Lonesome Wyatt (of L.W. & the Holy Spooks as well as Those Poor Bastards). If I had to describe him to someone curious but unaware, I'd perhaps compare him to Rob Zombie, only I'd clarify he's a little more subtle, soulful, and genuine. This comparison isn’t just based on the oogy-boogy style that pervades their music, but also on their legitimate appreciation of the genre we all hold so dear in our little black hearts.

After having devoured all of Lonesome Wyatt’s albums, I’m not surprised at all that he can write the hell out of one wicked little novel. The Terrible Tale of Edgar Switch Blade, a tale of a knife-wielding, cloven-hoofed, cannibalistic miscreant who tears through the night striking down “werewolves, ghosts, and other strange creatures,” works as a companion piece to the album Behold the Abyss by Those Poor Bastards; themes introduced in the book are explored lyrically in the album.

Terrible Tale is told in the first person by our titular anti-hero. He does, indeed, tear across the landscape with his only companion in the world—a horse named Red—keeping an eye out for threats of the supernatural. During his misadventures, diary entries from a Ulysses S. Levitcus, his adoptive father of sorts, provide some background on Edgar’s rearing, and proves to be perhaps the most interesting part of the novel.

The story moves at a rapid race and doesn’t get lost in masturbatory details. It’s a simple story and simply told, but not without flair. Wyatt pulls no punches with what he’s willing to have his creation do—like eat his departed foster mother, for example—and I suppose it’s this kind of content that forgives the brevity of the novel itself. It's short to be sure—150 pages—but the story is never not engaging or entertaining. Besides, sometimes such subject matter works better in smaller doses.

Wyatt’s style reminds me a lot of Donald Ray Pollock (The Devil All the Time), in that what he is willing to write about is unflinching and unquestionably horrific. Pollock at times dares you to read him, whereas Wyatt knows his fan base quite well and he’s confident he is delivering just what they have come to expect from him. To be blunt, Terrible Tale is fucked up, but in a fun, EC-Comics-turned-up-to-eleven kind of way.

The design of this little novel is killer; great paints were taken to make it look like a pulpy dime-store novel you would have found in a pharmacy in the 1950s…perhaps on the highest shelf away from children’s hands. The cover, while not graphic, is certainly questionable in its depiction of Edgar threatening a prostitute with his knife as she lays sprawled across a forest ground. The cover itself looks bent and tattered, enforcing its so-called age; the edges of the pages are even colored red. It’s a remarkable little creation.

I hope Terrible Tale’s association with its companion album Behold the Abyss doesn’t prevent the possibility of Wyatt writing more novels in the future—either featuring Edgar Switchblade, or a new morbid creation. If he can tie it into a past or future album, great, but here's hoping he can go hog wild with a new story, even if it's not related to his music.

The Terrible Tale of Edgar Switchblade is available in multiple formats, and you can find them all on the Those Poor Bastards site.