#6: UNIVERSAL SOLDIER (1992)

The ultimate weapons of the future have just declared war… on each other.

It is 1969. Army Private Luc Deveraux and his sergeant, Andrew Scott, are deep in the thick rainy jungles of North Vietnam, under orders to secure a village and hold tight for reinforcements. Things go very wrong when Deveraux discovers that many of his squad members are dead, along with nearly all of the village's innocent civilians. The culprit for this mayhem is Sergeant Scott, who wears a necklace of cut-off ears as a trophy. Scott, who is holding two children hostage, shoots one of them and demands that Deveraux shoot the other to prove his loyalty to "the cause." Deveraux refuses, a grenade makes an appearance, the young hostage dies, and the two soldiers shoot each other to death. They are dead for good RIP just kidding. Resurrected an unknown number of years later in a government program called “Universal Soldier,” Deveraux and Scott’s corpses have been transformed into semi-living cyborgs of sorts, stripped of their memories, and put into action to alleviate a hostage situation at the Hoover Damn. Deveraux works efficiently; Scott works drastically. Though the problem is alleviated, UniSol officials are worried about Scott’s overly aggressive methods. During this time, both Deveraux’s and Scott’s memories begin to come back – they each remember the incident that took place in Vietnam, and Scott becomes convinced that Deveraux is a traitorous enemy who must be eliminated. When Veronica Roberts, a television reporter, comes sniffing around, UniSol powers command Deveraux and Scott to go and take care of her, only Deveraux absconds with the reporter, leaving Scott to pursue the both of them across the country to Deveraux’s home in Louisiana. Throughout their journey, Deveraux and Veronica will learn the truth about the UniSol program, men will be pummeled and/or killed, ears will be removed, UniSol will lose all control they thought they had over their program, and Deveraux will discover his love for shitty diner food.

Universal Soldier was directed by Roland Emmerich, perhaps the most well-known filmmaker to appear within these hallowed halls of Murdered Men so far. Yes, the man most famous for destroying a handful of major cities in Independence Day, along with a lot of other films with similar amounts of destruction but with far less rewatchability, has bestowed upon us quite handily the most entertaining film of his career. Story credit goes to Richard Rothstein (writer on The Bates Motel – Bud Cort, not Freddie Highmore) and Christopher Leich (director-for-hire for television), but the screenplay credit goes to Emmerich’s one-time writing partner Dean Devlin (whose collaboration with Emmerich ended after the disastrous Godzilla remake). It’s when one compares Universal Soldier against the rest of Emmerich’s directorial career when the realization sets in just how special the film actually is. And if you’ve seen Universal Soldier, you’re probably laughing out loud at that, but, it’s true. One of the very few films in Emmerich’s filmography to receive an R-rating (and one well deserved), Universal Soldier surprisingly shows off a side of the director who’s more than willing to get down and gritty with the violence the story demands. Between this and the director’s other R-rated effort, The Patriot, a reasonably entertaining film which manages to survive drowning in its pervading feeling of self-importance, and which also contains a rather surprisingly dark undertone of violent acts, committed on screen of course, but also present in one of Mel Gibson’s most infamous monologues (the one about cutting off enemy soldiers’ hands and feet and sending them in baskets down the river for more enemy soldiers to find), Emmerich clearly enjoys these darker stories, and it’s a shame his career has been mostly relegated to Michael Bay-like extravaganzas of family-friendly special effects and gimmicky storytelling.

A low-budget independent affair, Universal Soldier was bankrolled by Carolco Pictures, who were in financial trouble at the time and who were very much hoping that this film would be their knight in shining camo. Originally envisioned as an attempt to adapt the comic book series “Deathlok the Demolisher” to the screen, the script was ultimately passed over and retooled to stand as its own adventure. It did reasonably well domestically but very well internationally (which seems to be the case quite often with the action genre); still, one gets the feeling that Emmerich doesn’t enjoy going out of his way to talk about it, figuring his bigger budget efforts starring John Cusack or Jake Gyllenhaal are somehow more notable. (They’re not.)

Though the later Universal Soldier sequels to come (directed by John Hyams; interview here) take the UniSol concept and make actual, honest-to-gosh good films, it’s a shame Carolco couldn’t continue the Universal Soldier name with proper sequels rather than the very strange path on which it instead struck out. Still, as diverse and ill-advised as many of the true sequels turned out to be, it still proved that this was a concept later filmmakers thought was worthy of revisiting. While one might argue that the two most recent sequels are better films than the original, there is no denying that Universal Soldier drips with everything action aficionados demand – an appealing and established lead hero and villain, a sexy and spunky femme sidekick, a healthy dose of violence, an even healthier dose of senseless destruction married to seas of broken glass, consistent and cheeseball humor, and perhaps most importantly, an utter and definitive display of superiority committed by our hero against all the other hapless meat puppets who for whatever reason believe they’re worthy of even breathing his air. To be specific, the diner scene. To be more specific, who the fuck is this eleventh guy who tries to throw down against the clearly invincible Luc Deveraux and think that he’s going to be the one to take him out – that he’ll be victorious where the previous TEN DUDES failed? This particular trope is a well that’s gone back to repeatedly in this genre, and it’s one that will never grow tired.

There are a few cameos worth noting: of all people, Jerry Orbach makes an unexpected return to Top Ten Murdered Men, his first appearance being in #7’s Out for Justice. Following that, we get Tommy “Tiny” Lister likely garnering the most exclamations of “Hey, it’s that guy!” But the most interesting one belongs to the blink-and-miss appearance of Michael Jai White, who has not only enjoyed a spotty but mostly entertaining career where he’s been able to show off his fighting skills on screen (he was also Black Dynamite!), but who would also make another appearance in Universal Soldier: The Return as a new character, the villain to battle against the also-returning Luc Deveraux.

Universal Soldier: The Return is a dreadful piece of shit, by the way.

Speaking of, and not surprisingly, Universal Soldier was torn apart by critics upon its release, many of them labeling it a cheap imitation attempting to ride the coat tails of Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Even The Austin Chronicle quipped, “Universal Soldier may flex its muscles at every opportunity, but it’s still second-rate Schwarzenegger.”

Ouch.

THE GOOD GUY

Luv Deveraux aka GR44. Soldier of misfortune. Reanimated corpse. Kind of a robot. Efficient assassin. Cool as ice. Shedder of clothes. Impressive penis owner. Inadvertent traitor. Enthusiastic food eater. Stiffer of diner checks. Inexplicably a product of Rance Howard’s semen.

Jean-Claude Van Damme has one of the better but typical Hollywood stories – the actor who started off in obscurity, slowly gained prominence, became an American sensation, and then lost it all in a fit of cocaine addiction, claims of domestic abuse, and even a diagnosis of bi-polar disorder. It was in the late ’90s that he experienced a massive decline in results at the box office, which is all it takes before an actor ends up in direct-to-video hell. However, except for a stinker here and there (Derailed is still one of the worst things you’ll ever see), Van Damme has actually exercised pretty good judgment in choosing quality projects in which to take part – more so than any of his other colleagues who have since begun a career which bypasses theaters. His repeat collaborations with directors Ringo Lam (Replicant), Ernie Barbarash (Assassination Games), and John Hyams (the two latest Universal Soldier entries) have not only resulted in films actually worth a damn (direct-to-video though they may be), but many of them are superior to the films from the portion of Van Damme’s career that actually made it to theaters and did well financially. Let’s not forget his titular role in the somewhat autobiographical JCVD, where he plays a loose version of himself as a failure of a father and husband, and who finds himself in a bank robbery/hostage situation, but is unable to convey the point that he’s not the action superstar known on screen for so long – that he’s just a man, and one not brave enough to save the day. His performance in JCVD is remarkable, allowing him to use his native tongue for once, and his long, unbroken monologue where he uses the camera as a confessional is an extremely powerful moment that has the ability to commit some serious Van Dammage against your heart.

Because, in Universal Soldier, he’s playing a half-robot/half-corpse cocktail, his ability to show emotions is restrained by either the demands of the role or by his own performance abilities that were approaching the end of their formative years. What this largely amounts to is Van Damme walking around accidentally making ironic comments and observations with an utter look of blankness on his face. And that’s fine – we’re not exactly looking for an Olivier-level complexity from our lead who is essentially playing Frankenstein’s monster. What Van Damme brings to the role is all that was really required; he looks sad every so often, but not too sad, in the same way that Universal Soldier itself wants to be original, but not too original. It would be later, in films like Timecop or Double Team, in which Van Damme would be given the chance to show off his personality and really embrace his action star persona, rattling off pun-douched catch phrases with reckless abandon.

THE BAD GUY

Andrew Scott aka GR13. Also reanimated corpse. Also kind of a robot. Ruthless assassin. Wearer of ear necklaces. Overly strict platoon leader. Shooter of bus drivers. Sufferer from the most extreme PTSD on record. Coiner of the phrase, “Are we having fun yet?”

Welcome back, Dolph! Yes, after having been the first featured action hero in Murdered Men with #10’s The Punisher, Lundgren returns to check in and remind us all that, yeah, he’s still kind of a bad ass. It is here, in Universal Soldier, that he presents the best on-screen character from his entire career – that’s counting both hero and villain. Far more entertaining than his villainous turn as Ivan Drago in Rocky IV, a film as deluded as to its own significance to legitimate cinema as it is inexplicably beloved by film fans everywhere, Lundgren’s Andrew Scott is one of the great action cinema adversaries. Despite being a reanimated corpse raped with robot parts, and still suffering from his demons of war, you have never seen a villain having a better time with how psychologically fucked up he is. Lundgren, rarely given the opportunity to go bad on screen (the first Expendables doesn’t count), is a thing to behold in Universal Soldier, besting Van Damme’s screen presence in every way. This isn’t to say that Van Damme doesn’t make for a good screen presence here because he definitely does; it’s just that it’s the villain who usually provides the more memorable turn, and the actor playing him knows it, and so they wrap their thespian arms around their evil madman and embrace him with all the love and dedication they can muster. Speaking of, when Dolph holds out his ear necklace and asks, “Do you hear me?” only he’s NOT doing this to be funny, God cries because he has never created anything as beautiful.

 THE CASUALTIES

Pre-corpsebot Deveraux stabs Andrew Scott in the gut with a bayonet.

Post-corpsebot Deveraux fires off a satisfying silent shot into the head of a terrorist and commits violent body trauma against another before shooting an enemy UniSol in the face.

Pre-corpsebot Scott shoots one casualty of war point black in the face and blows up that casualty's sister with a grenade before shooting his fellow soldier, Luc, in the chest.

Post-corpsebot Scott shoots two terrorists and cracks the neck/crushes the skull of another; blows the head off of a paparazzo; shoots a colonel in the chest; forces a serum injection into a tech before snapping his neck; shoots two grocery store clerks he’s convinced are traitorous soldiers; and shreds a bus-driver with an M60.

Also, an anonymous UniSol takes out a terrorist with a hand gun cleverly hidden in a box with a gigantic camera lens sticking out of it and UniSol scientists order some of their soldiers to blow themselves up with grenades, which they do. Lastly, an unknown number of hostages at the Hoover Dam are killed by a bunch of terrorists, but except for one dude, this all occurs off-screen. Hey, save some for us! Violent death is awesome!

THE BEST KILL

Andrew Scott punching through a tech’s glass face shield and driving the shards into his face, which he smashes into messy meat with his fist, gets a trophy for best owie.

THE DAMAGE

Well, this will likely be the only “damage taken” ticker in all of Murdered Men that includes the main hero fucking dying, but, here we are! Deveraux also takes a bullet during his escape from the UniSol compound, which he “heals” with a cigarette lighter (don’t think too hard about this) even though technically he’s a corpse so he couldn’t really die of infection (don’t think too hard about this). He’s also garroted with piano wire; semi-blown up by a grenade and rolled over in a bus; pummeled about the chest and face and thrown into a barn door; and smashed headfirst through a car window and door (repeatedly).

Meanwhile, Sergeant Scott turns into Rigid Dolph Dummy as he flies through a windshield; gets his ass handed to him via dozens of high-flying kicks and face-slams during the finale fight before flying through a barn wall; gets his wrist broken pretty much in half; and then…

THE BAD GUY’S COMEUPPANCE

After a fiery and punch-ridden final battle, which takes place at the farm of the very accented Deveraux’s decidedly non-accented parents, Deveraux lets loose one final signature kick and sends Scott sailing through the air and landing on a very pointy field harvester. And if that weren’t enough, Deveraux flips the on-switch, and all those pointy spindle things rip Scott’s body apart, turning him into a pile of man meat. In case you’re wondering, yeah – Andrew Scott returns for two more Universal Soldier films. God bless the movies!

THE LINE

So many wonderful lines from which to choose. Scott bellowing “Now that’s the spirit, soldier!” has become franchise tradition, with “Are we have fun yet?” honing in on the runner-up slot. But a confused and nonplussed Luc Deveraux, after having kicked the asses of about a dozen men, all because they came after him when it was revealed he didn’t have the money to pick up the diner check, said, “I just want to eat.” With his mouth full of all the unauthorized food on which he’d just been gorging himself. Delightful.

THE VERDICT

Of all the films to be featured in Top Ten Murdered Men so far, Universal Soldier just might be the most innocent, carefree, and perhaps even the quintessential action film that defines what this column is all about. There’s just enough of a plot (albeit not a terribly original one) to give it a solid foundation, and that plot is silly enough so that you know not to take everything so seriously. Emmerich was wise enough to realize that his paying audience were interested in seeing Van Damme and Lundgren tear ass at each other for a full 90 minutes, and by making them super soldiers mostly incapable of inflicting any permanent damage on each other, that ass-tearing could go on and on and on. This simple 1992 film would go on to spawn a franchise of direct-to-video sequels, attempts at a television series, and even an art-house film festival darling, all of which went off in very different directions, but none of which were able to retain (or even necessitate) the wonderful tongue-in-cheek and knowing humor that permeates this cinematic match-up between two of the best action superstars who ever walked the soundstage.