HEY, KNOW WHAT'S A REAL MOVIE?

AN EXORCISM

... Why are you still here?

Because I still have something to say.

Tell me the whole truth in the name
of the trinity...

Because I still have something to say.

Then speak the truth!

By her command, she can compel me... She.

The most Blessed Virgin, mm?

Yes.

Yes.
Then she shall compel you to speak the truth.

She, she, she, she treads on me, she...

Mary, the most Blessed Virgin.
She compels you to speak what she would
like to say to us.

You bastard.

The most Blessed Virgin compels you to
speak what she will say to us...

I will create,
I will also still create disorder,
you dirty pig.

The most Blessed Virgin would like to
command you to tell us what she would
like to say to us.

That sow, Anne(liese Michel),
she must go back up to that other one with
that whole mess of shit,
that, that, that, that...

In the name of the most Blessed Virgin,
speak the truth!

Yes! Yes!!

We will do that.

So that that sow up there will understand.
The one from Wuerzburg.
But he won't do anything. No!

The most Blessed Virgin will help him.
The most Blessed Virgin will help him.
The most Blessed Virgin will help him.

And the priests must be recognizable as priests,
namely not only with.... And indeed proper.

Proper. Not only with an invisible
emblem/insignia, yes?

Yes!
They must clearly be recognizable as priests!

That everyone knows?

Yes!
And the bastards, they, they, they also don't do that,
they come every time [wearing their] pretty suits.
That pleases me to no end.
You bastard you,
I can't tell you at all how much that pleases me to no end.

Yes.
Why does that please you so?

Why? I won't say!

What do you make of that?
I command you to say everything you want to tell us.

If they were to run around namely in their shitsuits,
then, then, then, then..... Forget it..

Then? In the name of the most blessed virgin,
speak the whole truth! In the name of the most
Blessed Virgin Mmary, speak the whole truth.
Tell everything you...

Yes, then,
then we wouldn't have so much power over the bastards,
because we .... Forget it.

Because we? ... In the name of the most...

That snot-nosed brat has already told him everything,
that that shit, that... That asshole.

In the name of the most blessed Virgin Mary...

The brat, that bitch,
she babbles everything,
that asshole!
Oh, I'll squelch her yet, the asshole.
Now she's getting a grip from that shit [of his]....
Forget it, she's mine.

Read the entire transcription of the exorcism of Anneliese Michel.

DAVID LUPTON

© Copyright David Lupton

CRAPPYPASTA: DYLAN

Dylan Darksman. A friend, a son, and a demon. Three friends, that’s all it took. One was a stealer. One stole his heart, and kept it. One was a backstabber.

He had enough. He was bullied, and was sick to the mind. Doctors tried, therapists wondered, but no help for the boy. So in order to make him “happy” he went to the senior prom. He gave each a last chance. They blew it. He killed himself, in front of everyone. Everyone is forgiven? No. Satin convinced him. Who said the devil wasn’t sly? As an angel, you’re not that sweet. Dylan marked each with HELL. He had the H. Christi, the heart stealer, was marked with E. Jade, backstabber, was marked with L. And Drake, stealer, got the other L.

The Marks of Death.

Jade
4:34 Am. She woke up to the sound of a crash. Being her curious self, she went downstairs. A faint snicker ran across the room. Her parents left to work. Being 19 she knew how to take care of herself. A figure appeared in the kitchen. She jumped in surprise. “Hey buddy.” She knew the voice. Dylan. Large black wings extended from his back. “W-why..?” In an instant he was in her face. He grabbed her face. “I’ll make it quick.” He said in a whisper. He kissed her, and she fell to the ground. Ever heard of the kiss of death?

Christi
“Oh my god, I’m so wasted!” She cried waddling next to her friend. The music was pounding loud. With her fake ID and beauty she got herself Anywhere. 4:44 am. “Yo, I gotta go to the bathroom, don’t, don’t go,” she said. She went to the bathroom, but on her way, a man made her hold it. He gave her the look, and right then they were kissing. “Come with me,” he whispered in her ear. They left the club and entered in his convertible. “This is soo crazy!” She laughed. She turned to the guy. But it wasn’t him. Dylan locked both doors. Christi screamed, and looked back, facing a gun. “You know I sorta liked you, but you’re a terrible kisser.” He pulled the trigger. He drove and stopped by the edge of the cliff. He pushed the car with Christi and the car plummeted down 80 feet into the shark infested water.

One night stand.

Drake
4:54 am. Drake became paranoid after Dylan’s death. He knew he was coming. He believed in evil and what it can do. Dylan being dead, he can do anything. Which counts taking over one’s mind. So with Drake, he entered his mind. They were buddies since Pre-K. But Drake meant nothing to him. He wanted to destroy Drake from the beginning. Drake was better than him at everything. He controlled Drake’s mind. He went into the bathroom, and grabbed as many pills as he can. He forced to gobble down every single one. It was a No- brainier if you will.

So Dylan got his revenge. That is all he wanted, but you can not escape the Devil’s power. So now Dylan will be forever a spawn of evil. A death angel. A monster.

Dylan ofcourse got payback. He will help anybody with the same desire.

Go to your bathroom, out your hand on the mirror. Turn off the lights. Leave one candle to show respect for the dead. And then chant these lines.

Oh! Dylan! May you show yourself for have I have the same desire to destroy those who did wrong to me!

Do Not Stutter, he hated that. He would also kill you if you do.

Turn on the lights and he will be there, in black. Curly red hair. A piercing on his cheek and one wing extended. He also has the lip stain that Christi has given him.

If he is not there, well…. Good luck and I will pray for your soul…little demon.

You better get used to seeing these here. Crappypasta is my new favorite thing.

RUN!

A VISIT TO HELL

Clifford Hoyt, age 31, suffered serious injuries in an automobile accident in 1999. After he regained consciousness, he told a terrified nurse that he had died and visited Hell.

He expounded on the tortures and anguish he experienced in frightening detail. He refused psychological treatment and was released.

Several weeks later, Hoyt’s neighbors complained to their landlord that strange music was playing in his apartment at all hours of the night. Upon investigating, the building’s owner found Clifford in this condition.

Mr. Hoyt was still quite lucid and protested when the landlord attempted to call the police. Concerned for the damage done to his property, he took photographs of the apartment; the image below is an example.

He left and contacted Mr. Hoyt’s family, who contacted authorities.

Clifford claimed that demons from Hell were still trying to capture him. He explained that his body would burn incessantly unless he played music to scare the demons away. He would only leave the house for short periods of time to get minimal supplies, including large blocks of ice to soothe the burning he felt as he tried to sleep.

Doctors attribute Clifford’s actions to brain damage suffered in the accident. He currently resides in a mental rehabilitation facility in Maryland.

GRZEGORZ KMIN

Grzegorz Kmin