MANGIA!

I guess this chick hasn't read that book.

MISSING

A very unsettling and odd vanishing happened to Christopher Thompkins from Ellerslie, Georgia. He was last seen by work mates standing on the shoulder of the road facing the woods at 1.30pm on 25th January 2002. He literally vanished within seconds leaving the survey crew very perplexed. They walked back to where they had seen him only to find his boot hanging on the barbed wire fence along with blue fabric from his pants. On the ground beneath were coins that had fallen from his pocket. The woods on the other side of the fence were inhospitable and swampy.

David Paulides, former lawman turned investigator, tells us that during his time working with traffic accidents he has seen shoes left behind by people who were literally “hit so fast that they were knocked right out of them”. He says that logistically it looks like Christopher was reefed out of his boots and dragged through the fence in such a position that all the coins fell out of his pocket.

When gravity drags coins to the ground it means that the opening for the coins was either facing the ground or the container holding the coins was removed at a great speed - very similar to the magician who removes the tablecloth without disturbing the cutlery. This means that Chris was either upside down or sideways.

Six months later the rancher who owned the land found the other missing boot 900 yards away next to the swamp. Christopher Tompkins is still missing.

LEVITY

DO NOT PANIC

 The following is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for its volunteers who work in the Amazon Jungle. It tells what to do in case an anaconda attacks you.

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda do not run. The snake is faster than you are. 

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another. 

3. Tuck your chin in. 

4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and climb over your body. 

5. Do not panic. 

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet and always from the end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic. 

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time. 

8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly and with as little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the side of the snake's mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip upwards, severing the snake's head. 

9. Be sure you have your knife. 

10. Be sure your knife is sharp.

CONGREGATION

HEY, KNOW WHAT'S A REAL MOVIE?

SURPRISE

I work for a property-securing company. We send contractors to vacant homes to change the locks and do winterizations. The other day, one of my contractors was doing an initial secure and routine inspection on a home. He’d been in the house for about an hour and headed to the basement for the required photo. It was very dark down there but he trusted his camera flash to get a decent picture.

He stayed on the stairs and took a photo before entering the basement to check for trip hazards or giant spiders. When he looked at his camera, this is what he saw.

He left after that.