Feb 23, 2015

TWO GUYS, ONE QUIP: RIKI-OH: THE STORY OF RICKY


Exploitation Movie Review (EMR): It’d be fair to say that without Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky, there’d be no Shawshank Redemption, except in this movie, the Andy Dufresne character is marginally less of a bitch about everything and can punch stuff REAL hard. Brief research into this movie tells me that it’s based on a Manga comic book, and that research is really boring and totally for nerds. Production value wise, this is a noticeable step up from the dreck that we’re used to watching, instead of, y’know, socialising and eulogising Christopher Nolan movies like assholes.

The End of Summer (TEOS): SWEAR-TO-MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

EMR: The movie starts with a bus ride to a future-prison. A voice-over tells us that "By 2001 AD, prisons, like car-parks, have become franchised businesses," but why "car-parks" has been used specifically, instead of, say, a million other things you’d probably think of first when you hear the word "franchise," distracted me for a second and now I’m pissed because I’ve had to rewind the movie a little. It’s also worth noting that whoever’s doing the voice-over isn’t even reading the subtitles properly and that feels like a betrayal. This is a lot of negative emotion to experience during the first five minutes.  

TEOS: Before the movie even begins, the opening logo is almost-but-not-quite Cannon Films, much like Riki-Oh is almost-but-not-quite a nightmare I had that time I ate the all-green burrito. The foreboding music isn’t really helping my all-around mood, either. Between that and how sad everyone looks on the prison bus, I find that my eyes keep wandering to the Youtube sidebar that is recommending other films to watch, i.e., Jet Li’s Sexy Temple, the preview screen of the video being a decidedly not-at-all-Asian beauty with her generous bikini-clad tits softly caressing the beach sand below her, and the look in her eyes says, “Oh, yes - I think I dropped my vagina...could you retrieve it for me?”

And I…completely lost my train of thought here. What’s up?


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