Jan 29, 2015

TWO GUYS, ONE QUIP: THE BEAST MUST DIE

A joint effort between The End of Summer and Exploitation Movie Review, “Two Guys, One Quip” is a new venture to honor the cheesiest, oddest, and most unheralded crop of films we can stand. Some films can be tackled solo and some cannot. Some films are so excruciatingly unusual that multiple parties are needed to catch every single solitary weirdity. "Two Guys, One Quip" is a free-for-all, back-and-forth, "I'm-just-gonna-say-whatever" approach to double-teaming an easy target in the unsexiest way possible. Below you will find nothing close to actual, legitimate film discussion, but instead sarcasm and douche-bag superiority flying fast and furious. Profanity will be immense, constant, and unyielding. No on-screen target is safe. No incompetence will pass by unmocked. And no punches will be at all pulled. Some films are asking for it. This is one of them.


Exploitation Movie Review (EMR): The Beast Must Die is a 1974 offering from Amicus productions, a rival production house to Hammer but without the good movies. This film, one of the studio’s final efforts (the next would be the gloriously insane Vincent Price vehicle Madhouse), took a step away from the usual horror-anthology output for which they had become known and concerns a multi-millionaire’s ‘big-game’ hunt for a werewolf that he suspects is amidst the guests he has invited to his country manor house. In an effort to try something a little different, and all the time cashing in on the burgeoning Blaxploitation genre, this film features a singularly charming gimmick that invites you, the viewer, to “be the detective” and to compile evidence throughout its duration just in time for the “wolf-break” near the end of the movie.

Sounds gay. I’m in.

Hey, do you wanna pretend to be the guys from "True Detective"?

The End of Summer (TEOS): Matthew McComplicatedName wishes he could be as depressing, and Woody Harrelson wishes he could have as much sex with Alexandra Daddario, as me.

EMR: ...ohhh-kay, cool. Well, I’ll be Rust and you can be Marty. That means you can do loads of chicks in the ass and I can drop sweet head-butts on people.

TEOS: Oooh, can I be Michelle Monaghan? Then we can sad-fuck. :D

EMR: What’s...what’s even the right answer to that question?

TEOS: I really like this pre-credits on-screen narration positing a very important question to the audience: “The question is not ‘Who is the murderer?’ but ‘Who is the werewolf?’” Every time there’s a high-profile homicide on the news, I’d like to see CNN or FOX News blare that across their screens. I picture a lot of Americans pensively tapping their lips and saying, “YEAH...who is the werewolf?”

Read the whole thing.

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