If
you were a budding horror misanthrope in your early teens during the
‘90s, then you not only remember, but cherish, this long-running
Nickelodeon series about a group of variously ethnic kids meeting in the
woods at night to trade spooky tales. Perhaps you remember President
Gary's opening remarks during the first episode: "We're called The
Midnight Society. Separately, we're very different. ... But one thing
draws us together: the dark! Each week, we gather around this fire to
share our fears and our strange and scary tales." The stories were
creepy, corny, fantastic, or pretty stupid, but we all remember that
nervous knot in our stomachs beginning to tighten as the legitimately
eerie opening title sequence began (which includes that awful clown-doll
from which I used to avert my eyes). You didn’t know if the groundwork
for nightmares was being laid, but you sat, rapt, waiting to see. So
grab your weird bag of magic dust and toss it in the fire. It’s time to
see if you’re still afraid of the dark.
The Tale Submitted For Approval:
"The Tale of the Super Specs"
The Submitter: Gary
The Current Midnight Society Administration: Gary
(President, Glasses); David (Vice-President, Administrator of the
Useless); Kiki (Secretary of War/Ass-Kicker, Name-Taker); Eric (Director
of the Office of Management and Budget/Minister of Looking Smarmy);
Betty Ann (Ambassador to the United Nations/Gary’s Unspoken Mistress);
Kristen (Trade Representative/Socialite); Frank (Intern/Socialite).
"Weeds" and Marybeth are boyfriend/girlfriend, and like, 13 or so, which means they've been holding hands hardcore all school year. Since Weeds loves magic and practical jokes, he knows deep within his heart that he needs something primo for the approaching April Fool's Day. And so Weeds and his girlfriend take to Magic Mansion, owned by Mr. Sardo (er, that's SarDO; no Mr.; accent on the Do; fuck this guy). While there, Weeds accidentally casts a voodoo spell over some cheap x-ray specs before buying them, along with a bag of magic powder
and a Whoopee cushion, which is weird, since he considers himself a master of prankage and yet still doesn't own a fart bag.
He tells his girlfriend to put on the specs, and she replies, "I wouldn't wear those to my
funeral," which is quite possibly the strangest thing anyone has ever said to a boy named Weeds. She does put on the specs, though, and sees a dude cloaked in black and naturally she gets the creeps. Weeds assumes she's just trying to prank him back and he disregards her.
Later, as Weeds unleashes his entirely lame pranks against the study body (rubber fist spring! funny voice powder! magical "make me good at basketball" powder!), Marybeth starts to get freaked out by all these people-in-black she sees every time she puts on the specs. And that's not all: in her house, wearing the specs, she'll see a whistling teapot, or a fire roaring in the fireplace, but once she takes off the specs, those things aren't there. Of all the disturbingest things I've ever seen in my haunted life, ghost teapot gets me every time.
Marybeth finally throws the glasses out...twice...but they keep coming back. Finally she goes directly back to Sardo to confront him about the glasses-o'-terror, and it's there, after he does a lot of talking out of his ass, where they realize it's not the specs by themselves causing the terror, but actually that stupid bag of magic powder Weeds bought. Sardo explains that the magic powder accidentally opened a window between dimensions, allowing one dimension to gain access to the other. And there's apparently only one way to close said window:
A half-assed seance.
It seems to work? But then a gigantic pair of eyes appears in the air and tells the kids they done fucked up
real good:
"You have tampered with the cosmic seal," says the floating monster eyes. "Two universes cannot exist on the same plane. Balance must be restored."
Both kids get get blown hard by something (haha) and then it cuts to peace and solitude in Marybeth's house...but wait! That's not Marybeth! Sure, it's wearing her bland clothes, but that's not her! It would seem that two dimensions were vying for dominance, and the one 99% like OUR dimension reigned supreme!
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Take a black guy, add magic "basketball skills" powder... |
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and watch as he still fails. The universe in chaos. |
The Reaction
This episode was fucking stupid. I guess that takes care of my "Is it Stupid?" question below. But it is. Perhaps one shouldn't do this much analyzing about an episode of "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" but damn it, if you're going to introduce concepts of infinite dimensions and the balance of the natural plane, then forgive me for wanting to delve into the shit. The Tale of the Super Specs suggests that you are surrounded by an infinite number of dimensions, yet all of those dimensions share a singular physical plane. One dimension cannot impede on another, or else, doom happens. The episode goes as far with this as suggesting that Marybeth and Other-Dimension Marybeth live in the same house, boil the same teapot, light the same fireplace, hang the same bad K-Mart art, and even have the same family photos hanging on the wall, yet these two girls are entirely unaware of each other. And at the end, when the chick in the black cloak peels off her hood and reveals herself as some kind of mystic, what the fuck does that even mean? Do people in her dimension wear that black cloak shit all the time? If so, why, if they can just take it off whenever they want? How comfortable can it be to wear that shit all day in a business meeting? And does that mean anyone wearing black bodysuits also contains mystic powers? Jesus, I'm thirsty.
Is It Scary?
On a metaphysical level, the idea of two or more worlds existing in the same plane, yet completely unaware of each other, is certainly creepy. Is someone sitting in the same chair as you right now? Are you a murderer in this other dimension? Are you on death row? Are you insane? A boy? A girl? A grandmother? Dying of cancer? Did your penis fall off in the shower this morning because you have a disease that makes your penis fall off? Questions like these are deeply terrifying, yet not at all appropriate to be posing to the audience of "AYAOTD," because this episode takes that concept and makes everyone wear black bodysuit leotards and play basketball.
Is It Corny?
Unforgivably. It'd be easier to name something in this episode that wasn't corny.
Is It Stupid?
See above.
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The existential struggles of teen mysticism. |
How Bad Is The Acting?
Actually, for once, the Midnight Society are out-shined by the characters in the tale being told. Having an off day, Gary is despicably bad in this episode. Maybe it's because he didn't have his glasses on. A Gary without glasses is a Taylor Swift without her girl tears. Where are his glasses? He can't see without his glasses. Put his glasses on! Put on his glasses!
Do The Kids Deserve Their Terror?
Weeds does, since he's a prankster, but his pranking was fairly innocent. Still, whether it's rat poison or funny voice powder, don't be sneaking shit into people's yogurt when they're not looking. If that powder was made in China, you gone die no matter what the intended consequences were.
Why Does That One Kid Look Familiar?
Eugene Byrd as Weeds looks crazy familiar, but his filmography doesn't include anything immediately familiar to me. He was in 8 Mile, which I saw once...fifteen years ago. It also looks like he was on "Bones" a lot. Does anyone watch "Bones?' I guess someone does, since it's been on for roughly 37 seasons. Graidhne Lelieveld-Amiro (Marybeth) hasn't done anything else, and it's likely because casting directors were too embarrassed to attempt pronouncing her weird French-Canadian name.
How Canadian Does Everyone Sound?
Other-Dimension Marybeth hilariously says "hoose," and it's extra hilarious because she only has two lines at most, and yet she still manages to sneak a Canuckism in there. Also, I'm fairly certain
Midnight Society member Kristen says "aboot." Adorable!
*NEW* An Eric Douchebag-Ism
"Kiki was just saying how your stories haven't been all that scary lately, anyway."
This motherfucker...
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Unmitigated fear. |
Final Thoughts
For their one-week anniversary, Weeds bought Marybeth "a book on mummies." If you ask me, Weeds is marriage and five-kids material.
Also, it kinda sucks that the very first story told by President Gary is such a shit bag. Perhaps Vice-President David should stage a coup.
On the Official Gary Creeper-Shot Rating Scale...
I Award "The Tale of the Super Specs..."
1 Gary Creeper Shot
I declare this meeting of the Midnight Society closed. (Splash sound.)